Happy Birthday to me..

I’m 15.456 Martian years old today.

Haaaaapy birthday to me.. happy birthday to me.. happy birthday, Dear Ariiiiiiccccc… happy birthday tooooo meeeeeee! [applause]

At work today, while I was waiting for our shuttle back to “the compound”.. I was trying to engage in converstation with our driver and one of the company security guards.. never really figured out what they were talking about though.. I would just “nod” with approval or shake my head with disapproval when given the signal.. the signal generally starts with a look towards me.. then a slight, signifying nod, and in Chinese, a “dwai buh dwai?” (forgive my pingying, I never went to Chinese school).. for you non-Mandarin speakers, thats like the equivalent of “..right?” or “..am I right?” at the end of a sentence.. the security guard told me how to vote in the coming election though (he was talking too fast, it wouldn’t have been prudent for me to bust out my 2nd grade Chinese to explain to him that I can’t vote here).. he said if you’re Taiwanese, you vote for Chen Sui-ban.. if your Chinese (as in OG mainlander), then you vote for the other dude.. I think the other dude’s name is Lien.. but the media here is so skewed, that I thought the presidental election was a one man race for a while :lol:.. also, they mentioned something about how the unemployment situation in Taiwan is going to play a pretty big role here.. although I never really heard about it or thought about it, I guess.. but I think (remember, my Chinese sucks) they said that the other party, the one that’s not in power now, has publicly said that the reason for Taiwan’s unemployment is because there are jobs that Taiwanese people do not want to fill.. so the country was forced to allow immigrant laborers to come to Taiwan (immigrants from like the Phillipines or Indonesia).. but then the driver got all heated.. I started to step back because his breath was foul and he was spitting in my face.. but he basically said that that was a bunch of “dog shit” (in Chinese, ‘dog shit’ is like ‘bullshit’ in English).. he said that the problem is, kids have to borrow money from the bank to go to school.. when they get out of school, they cannot afford to take low paying blue collar work because they need to make a living and pay back the loan.. I’m guessing you dont have to pay if you dont got a job.. otherwise, they should work since working would at least cover their variable costs.. education costs are already sunk (you’re going to have to pay it sooner or later, regardless of whether or not you’re working).. so it shouldn’t be a factor in deciding whether or not to work.. (< -- me putting my education to work).. One last comment.. Abeam Global Consulting sucks my nuts.. I read Abeam's 'core values'.. and I think its a bunch of dog shit.. I will run down the list: Client Centric – Taking responsibility to help our clients succeed
Dog shit all the way.. our Abeam consultants don’t take responsibility for anything.. well, I take that back, they take responsiblity for the good things.. but all the bad things are our fault.. one consultant wrote all the specs for the Finance reports.. when he wasn’t able to communicate with the Indian programmers, he dumped the specs on one of my American co-workers and told her she needed to clean up the specs because the add-on reports and programs were not going to work based on the specs.. did he forget he wrote the specs?

Professional Excellence – Uncompromising, superior professionalism for our clients
How’s this for professionalism.. during a conversation with one of my American co-workers, the consultant casually claims that he believes all workers from the US are lazy and don’t do any work.. the consultants are also quick to start a verbal arguement in meetings with “users” (which leaves a very bad impression of the IS/IT team group in the mind of the “users”).. the consultant project manager also makes users and team members feel like 3rd graders when he stops mid sentence during a meeting and says, “I’m waiting..” or “you, please listen”.. professionalism, my ass

Power of Diversity – Leveraging diversity to drive transformation
How’s this for diversity.. Indian programmers, English-only functional analysts trying to work with Mandarin-only functional analysts, documentation all made in Chinese only (including e-mails).. the only transformation they are driving is transforming this project into one of those “this is how you’re not supposed to run a project” in those IT trade magazines..

Collaboration/Collegiality – Advancing together to reach new heights
Yeah.. this is how those bastards reach new highs.. they try to step all over you so that they come out on top.. did they forget who’s paying who?

Global Dimension – Unique global strategy to sustain competitiveness
Their unique global strategy is purely based on the fact that they have offices around the world.. problem is, their consultants are unable to adapt to diverse corporate cultures.. the only competitiveness they bring to the project is to see who the bigger dumbass is.. them for not having a damn clue or us for hiring them in the first place..

I’ll leave it at that for now.. but I have much to say about Abeam.. its my desire that my blogs find their way into Google so that when potential clients search for success or failure stories regarding Abeam, they will find my story..

2 thoughts on “Happy Birthday to me..

  1. Yes, happy birthday my friend. I left a few messages for you in other posts, but they never posted. If this one doesn’t post, then I’m not commenting anymore. I hope you bought something very expensive for your birthday. my expensive gift to you is waiting for you in SoCal

  2. 😀 Hey, Happy Belated Birthday my foreign hostage friend! I hope you make it back to the land of all you can drink soda fountains and your girls. The last time I checked, your house is still in one piece! hehe…

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